I'm no where close to being ready - but lots of irons in the fire.
I made some big changes today. Scared, but ok with it.
New Year's Resolution - conquer the fear. Here I go.
Fear - I challenge you to a duel.
Still from "Faux"
Photo by Elisabeth Fies
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
No more emo!
The sun is shining brightly, the birds are singing. I'm recovering from a cold, but some how feel better than ever.
Maybe it's this, or maybe it's that, but I'm happy.
Professionally, 2010 has been an amazing year. It all started with the completion of Round 1 on the Red Reaper re-shoots - which went beautifully. Then I took the leading role in Bite Nite - flew to Philly in early February and knocked that out. When I got back it was a mad dash to coordinate the celebrity blood drive to assist the earth quake victims in Haiti. We filmed the PSA for that (not as easy as looks - it had to be written, filmed, location scouting, editing, music, wardrobe - it was a real project!). Just before the blood drive actually happened, I booked a supporting role in the drama "Ripped Memories" opposite the amazing Debbie Rochon, and shot it the next day. I had 12 hours to prep for it. I went straight from the Ripped Memories shoot to the Blood Drive, another 18 hour day, including set up and tear down and then later that night flew out to New York for my starring role in Joe Hollow's "Blood Struck".
I spent the first week in March shooting that, long days, great crew, amazing sets and brilliant director. In my down time I was producing single handedly the NEXT round of shooting on Red Reaper in Florida (from New York). I got to Florida, with 10 days to learn the fight sequences, find new locations for the re-shoots, train a new batch of talent and crew, kick ass and take names.
Like many writers, I re-wrote scene after scene, just prior to the scenes, in the hopes of tweaking the dialogue and making it perfect - or perhaps to clarify some story point that may have been glossed over by a missed shot, or a missed performance. Or to drive home a point that didn't seem so important in the 32nd draft, but suddenly seems colossally important. I clearly remember, before each scene, adamantly declaring "THIS! Is the the most important scene in the film!" And I meant it. Every time.
I spent the whole month of March on the road, between NY and Florida. And somehow, doing the job of 14 people - with the help of my amazing friends, who also did the job of 14, I muddled through.
April saw the return of Tara Cardinal, the wrestler, the introduction of the "Scream Queen Tag Team" and the knock down drag out prep for my nude waterfall fight scene with former WWE Wrestler Al Snow. My ass and the gym became hot lovers, never getting enough of each other. Chickens and egg whites feared me. Broccoli quaked at the sound of my name.
The Spring was fraught with conventions. Jesse Kozel (check out his film Candy!), Devanny Pinn and I drove out Texas Frightmare Weekend. I got an exclusive interview with Jesse Moran III, mayor of Moran Texas (youtube my friends, youtube!). Devanny and I were also guests at Creations Weekend of Horrors, AND Rockin Comicon. I mind-melded with Comic Book Divas, my amazing sponsor and the creator of my new Super Heroine - Amazonia. The posters and trading cards went live, and sold like wildfire at the cons. I even gave an autographed copy to the legendary Stan Lee.
And in the mean time, I ate my broccoli and did my squats.
I helped co-produce a short film for Devanny's "Trial by Terror", which fell through at the last minute. Not to worry though - we spun it around, made it a feature based on the short written by Brandon Slagle, and came up with a masterpiece that got all 3 of our female cast nominations for best actress and best supporting actresses, and the beautiful Deneen Melody walked away with the win! (Devanny and I were both runner up - a huge feat considering we were both co-producing the project).
My role in Song of Shattered, a project I haven't spoken about publically until now... is the mentally retarded ward of Devanny's character. Playing a special needs character was as rewarding as it was terrifying. The majority of concern was portraying a multifaceted character with needs, goals, desires, and fears. Not just a "disability". Big Daddy Horror reviews, and Nerd Remix both gave my performance rave reviews. That helps me sleep at night.
Within a week of wrapping Song of the Shattered, where I was co-producer and actress, I was rolling camera again on Legend of the Red Reaper. This time with the BIGGEST, BADDEST, LARGEST crew and location this film has ever seen. We had dozens of construction crew building a 30 foot waterfall in Rockland County NY. Control freak Tara (that's me) was on set EVERY day, watching the men, cheering them on, running to home depot. It was 105 degrees every day and I worked like hell to discard the fragile, shy, Melanie character from Song of the Shattered, and become one with my inner Hell Bitch - the Red Reaper.
I flew out Al Snow (yes, the Al Snow - one of the few men I can safely do a fight like this with - with out hurting him), and we danced around that waterfall like we stole it. He picked me up over his head, and threw me through the air like a rag doll. I hit the water, fell all the way to the ground - bounced and popped right back up for take 2. The water must have been 55 degrees - freezing. He suplexed me (yeah, it hurt - but I'm tough like taffy). I did a flying back flip out of the water and kicked him in the face (he had it coming!).
Of course, I also shot the tender love scene with Eris (David Mackey). A scene from which I still have scars (you'll have to watch the film to find out WHY I have scars from a love scene).
I wrapped the film, wrapped the set, drove my actors to the airport, and flew back to LA the next day. Just 3 days later the trailer premiered at Viscera film festival, along with select scenes from Song of the Shattered.
Now, came the big post production push. I also booked the lead role in Brenda Fies' amazing project "Faux". They were kind enough to give me a producer credit on that, but really all I did was find a location.
I was asked to produce a film about a female wrestler called "The Sessionist". I've been working like crazy to get this project off the ground and flying - so far so good.
I'm also in development on a new project, loosely based on Stephen King's Misery. I've been actively developing the story (to be written by Arielle Jayme, daughter of Hollywood author Tess Jayme). Directed by Josh Eisenstadt.
I spent a week at AFM, watching the brilliance of Mr. Lloyd Kaufman, who sponsored my appearance yet again. He was kind enough to make me a part of his press conference and I'm in negotiations to be the spokesmodel for TromaDance 2011.
Josh wrote me a special part in his film "Spreading Darkness" (it's not a horror!) as the wife of A list actor Eric Roberts (yes, Julia's brother), which began filming 2 weeks ago. In fact - I'm headed out the door in just a minute to finish up this round of shooting.
Faux premiered as a work in progress at BleedFest, where I appeared as a VIP guest.
And I'm working on post for Red Reaper, the sequel (written by the super talented Shayne Leighton), and a novel and a comic book.
Speaking of novels - this post has turned into one.
So, if you've liked reading this, please leave a comment, or click maniacally on any of the ads, so I can buy something pretty for Xmas
Maybe it's this, or maybe it's that, but I'm happy.
Professionally, 2010 has been an amazing year. It all started with the completion of Round 1 on the Red Reaper re-shoots - which went beautifully. Then I took the leading role in Bite Nite - flew to Philly in early February and knocked that out. When I got back it was a mad dash to coordinate the celebrity blood drive to assist the earth quake victims in Haiti. We filmed the PSA for that (not as easy as looks - it had to be written, filmed, location scouting, editing, music, wardrobe - it was a real project!). Just before the blood drive actually happened, I booked a supporting role in the drama "Ripped Memories" opposite the amazing Debbie Rochon, and shot it the next day. I had 12 hours to prep for it. I went straight from the Ripped Memories shoot to the Blood Drive, another 18 hour day, including set up and tear down and then later that night flew out to New York for my starring role in Joe Hollow's "Blood Struck".
I spent the first week in March shooting that, long days, great crew, amazing sets and brilliant director. In my down time I was producing single handedly the NEXT round of shooting on Red Reaper in Florida (from New York). I got to Florida, with 10 days to learn the fight sequences, find new locations for the re-shoots, train a new batch of talent and crew, kick ass and take names.
Like many writers, I re-wrote scene after scene, just prior to the scenes, in the hopes of tweaking the dialogue and making it perfect - or perhaps to clarify some story point that may have been glossed over by a missed shot, or a missed performance. Or to drive home a point that didn't seem so important in the 32nd draft, but suddenly seems colossally important. I clearly remember, before each scene, adamantly declaring "THIS! Is the the most important scene in the film!" And I meant it. Every time.
I spent the whole month of March on the road, between NY and Florida. And somehow, doing the job of 14 people - with the help of my amazing friends, who also did the job of 14, I muddled through.
April saw the return of Tara Cardinal, the wrestler, the introduction of the "Scream Queen Tag Team" and the knock down drag out prep for my nude waterfall fight scene with former WWE Wrestler Al Snow. My ass and the gym became hot lovers, never getting enough of each other. Chickens and egg whites feared me. Broccoli quaked at the sound of my name.
The Spring was fraught with conventions. Jesse Kozel (check out his film Candy!), Devanny Pinn and I drove out Texas Frightmare Weekend. I got an exclusive interview with Jesse Moran III, mayor of Moran Texas (youtube my friends, youtube!). Devanny and I were also guests at Creations Weekend of Horrors, AND Rockin Comicon. I mind-melded with Comic Book Divas, my amazing sponsor and the creator of my new Super Heroine - Amazonia. The posters and trading cards went live, and sold like wildfire at the cons. I even gave an autographed copy to the legendary Stan Lee.
And in the mean time, I ate my broccoli and did my squats.
I helped co-produce a short film for Devanny's "Trial by Terror", which fell through at the last minute. Not to worry though - we spun it around, made it a feature based on the short written by Brandon Slagle, and came up with a masterpiece that got all 3 of our female cast nominations for best actress and best supporting actresses, and the beautiful Deneen Melody walked away with the win! (Devanny and I were both runner up - a huge feat considering we were both co-producing the project).
My role in Song of Shattered, a project I haven't spoken about publically until now... is the mentally retarded ward of Devanny's character. Playing a special needs character was as rewarding as it was terrifying. The majority of concern was portraying a multifaceted character with needs, goals, desires, and fears. Not just a "disability". Big Daddy Horror reviews, and Nerd Remix both gave my performance rave reviews. That helps me sleep at night.
Within a week of wrapping Song of the Shattered, where I was co-producer and actress, I was rolling camera again on Legend of the Red Reaper. This time with the BIGGEST, BADDEST, LARGEST crew and location this film has ever seen. We had dozens of construction crew building a 30 foot waterfall in Rockland County NY. Control freak Tara (that's me) was on set EVERY day, watching the men, cheering them on, running to home depot. It was 105 degrees every day and I worked like hell to discard the fragile, shy, Melanie character from Song of the Shattered, and become one with my inner Hell Bitch - the Red Reaper.
I flew out Al Snow (yes, the Al Snow - one of the few men I can safely do a fight like this with - with out hurting him), and we danced around that waterfall like we stole it. He picked me up over his head, and threw me through the air like a rag doll. I hit the water, fell all the way to the ground - bounced and popped right back up for take 2. The water must have been 55 degrees - freezing. He suplexed me (yeah, it hurt - but I'm tough like taffy). I did a flying back flip out of the water and kicked him in the face (he had it coming!).
Of course, I also shot the tender love scene with Eris (David Mackey). A scene from which I still have scars (you'll have to watch the film to find out WHY I have scars from a love scene).
I wrapped the film, wrapped the set, drove my actors to the airport, and flew back to LA the next day. Just 3 days later the trailer premiered at Viscera film festival, along with select scenes from Song of the Shattered.
Now, came the big post production push. I also booked the lead role in Brenda Fies' amazing project "Faux". They were kind enough to give me a producer credit on that, but really all I did was find a location.
I was asked to produce a film about a female wrestler called "The Sessionist". I've been working like crazy to get this project off the ground and flying - so far so good.
I'm also in development on a new project, loosely based on Stephen King's Misery. I've been actively developing the story (to be written by Arielle Jayme, daughter of Hollywood author Tess Jayme). Directed by Josh Eisenstadt.
I spent a week at AFM, watching the brilliance of Mr. Lloyd Kaufman, who sponsored my appearance yet again. He was kind enough to make me a part of his press conference and I'm in negotiations to be the spokesmodel for TromaDance 2011.
Josh wrote me a special part in his film "Spreading Darkness" (it's not a horror!) as the wife of A list actor Eric Roberts (yes, Julia's brother), which began filming 2 weeks ago. In fact - I'm headed out the door in just a minute to finish up this round of shooting.
Faux premiered as a work in progress at BleedFest, where I appeared as a VIP guest.
And I'm working on post for Red Reaper, the sequel (written by the super talented Shayne Leighton), and a novel and a comic book.
Speaking of novels - this post has turned into one.
So, if you've liked reading this, please leave a comment, or click maniacally on any of the ads, so I can buy something pretty for Xmas
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Dusty Sea Shells
At least that's what they look like in my jewelry box.
It always amazes me that someone so big, and so strong, could be reduced to dusty seashells.
It's almost your birthday, and almost Oct 31st. And I have so many things I want to say to you.
I saw someone who looked just like you. The same eyes. I don't have to look at a picture to remember those eyes, those lips, that silky black hair.
I admit to a long moment of weakness before I introduced myself, and shattered the illusion. For just a moment, you got to be alive again for me. Just a moment. And it made me happy.
It's been too long for me to still feel this way. And I don't. Just in extreme moments of weakness. I miss our adventures, I miss the simplicity of what we had. I miss who I was when I was with you. And yes, I miss you.
I wish I could have brought you with me.
I hope it's better where you are.
It always amazes me that someone so big, and so strong, could be reduced to dusty seashells.
It's almost your birthday, and almost Oct 31st. And I have so many things I want to say to you.
I saw someone who looked just like you. The same eyes. I don't have to look at a picture to remember those eyes, those lips, that silky black hair.
I admit to a long moment of weakness before I introduced myself, and shattered the illusion. For just a moment, you got to be alive again for me. Just a moment. And it made me happy.
It's been too long for me to still feel this way. And I don't. Just in extreme moments of weakness. I miss our adventures, I miss the simplicity of what we had. I miss who I was when I was with you. And yes, I miss you.
I wish I could have brought you with me.
I hope it's better where you are.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Writing
Sorry for the last post being a little lyrical. There's something about that hour between 11pm and midnight, with the moon and lull of the highway traffic that makes me feel a little -well, lyrical.
pride and my prejudice ( the battle between)
This is a new and usual place.
Since my blog is still getting mad hits ( didn't know anyone was still on myspace) and no comments (because I always have the last word :), I shall continue - although I've officially moved my blog over to blogspot.
I often wondered, why when we texted back and forth, all of the sudden he would just disappear. I thought for sure it was a lack of interest. Or something. Now I find myself at the other end of the phone... writing.. deleting... finishing a thought and hitting back space. After so long, so many details, so many emotions, so many highs and so many lows - what can I possibly say in a text message that doesn't sound trite? How can I say what I want to say - how can I ask what I wish to ask?
So I don't. I fret and fuss, and squeak... I put the phone down. I ask my cat for advice (although she's usually the one hiding the phone from me).
I suppose deep down, I want it to just all be ok. But it's not. It should be, it could have been, and it used to be. But right now it's not. And I don't know where to start. And I don't think I should start. And I don't know if it will ever be ok.
And thus I'm torn between my pride and my prejudice.
And I don't know what to do.
So for now, toes in the water, head above.
And tonight, I sleep.
Tomorrow I fight.
Saturday I rest.
And Sunday I'll try not to think of him.
Since my blog is still getting mad hits ( didn't know anyone was still on myspace) and no comments (because I always have the last word :), I shall continue - although I've officially moved my blog over to blogspot.
I often wondered, why when we texted back and forth, all of the sudden he would just disappear. I thought for sure it was a lack of interest. Or something. Now I find myself at the other end of the phone... writing.. deleting... finishing a thought and hitting back space. After so long, so many details, so many emotions, so many highs and so many lows - what can I possibly say in a text message that doesn't sound trite? How can I say what I want to say - how can I ask what I wish to ask?
So I don't. I fret and fuss, and squeak... I put the phone down. I ask my cat for advice (although she's usually the one hiding the phone from me).
I suppose deep down, I want it to just all be ok. But it's not. It should be, it could have been, and it used to be. But right now it's not. And I don't know where to start. And I don't think I should start. And I don't know if it will ever be ok.
And thus I'm torn between my pride and my prejudice.
And I don't know what to do.
So for now, toes in the water, head above.
And tonight, I sleep.
Tomorrow I fight.
Saturday I rest.
And Sunday I'll try not to think of him.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Tara Cardinal - 4 degrees of Kevin Bacon
This is an older post - I must be more like 2 or 3 by now.
Current mood:
amused I got this email from a long time friend. With his permission, I am posting it in my blog, because it's just funny:
Hot Video... and you've made it easier for me...
You're in Bloody 27 with Michael Winslow who was in Spaceballs
with Rick Moranis who was in Little Shop of Horrors
with Bill Murray who was in Wild Things
with Kevin Bacon.
Hot Video... and you've made it easier for me...
You're in Bloody 27 with Michael Winslow who was in Spaceballs
with Rick Moranis who was in Little Shop of Horrors
with Bill Murray who was in Wild Things
with Kevin Bacon.
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/taracardinal/blog?page=8#ixzz0xkRkqK7n
Another reminder, Myspace Dec 2008
Current mood:
sad I guess I always thought I had more time. More time to make it right, to fix it, to do just a little more. But that time is over now.
And it makes me really sad.
I feel like there's spike in my stomach, and I HATE it.
I fee like there's pressure behind my eyes, and I hate that too. Like the dry heaves of crying. But not as much fun as that.
Damn it I didn't want to loose her. I loved her. She was my baby. And I don't know how to let her go the way I need to.
Statistically it had to happen. I think that's why I was so guarded with her when she was a child. I was afraid to touch her, lest she think something was wrong. I was afraid to say "I love you" first lest she think I was guilting her into saying it back. Maybe that's why it turned out like this? Maybe I did something wrong when she was just a kid, and she can't forgive me for it?
I know I wasn't there as much I needed to be. I wasn't there for her as much as I wanted to be. I used to feel so guilty for not calling her more, not visiting more. Not sending enough presents. I remember once I brought her 50 presents at Xmas to make up for all the other ones. And she would rip the heads off of the barbies and cut their hair. Except for the red headed ones.
I don't think I can do this.... this hurts too much.
She's SOO angry at me. She says she doesn't care, but if she didn't she wouldn't have taken the time to lash out. To tell me I'm self absorbed. Which I totally am right now. My sister left me again and all I can think about is how much hurts. All I can think about is how abandoned I've ALWAYS felt by my entire family EXCEPT her, and now her too. Did I put too much pressure on her? Did I push her away by wanting her not to reject me so much? What did I do? And what am I supposed to do now?
And I was having SUCH a good day, until that all happened. I'll post pictures when I get them. And in the mean time I'll... well, I'm not really sure what I'll do between now and then.
God I miss her.
And it makes me really sad.
I feel like there's spike in my stomach, and I HATE it.
I fee like there's pressure behind my eyes, and I hate that too. Like the dry heaves of crying. But not as much fun as that.
Damn it I didn't want to loose her. I loved her. She was my baby. And I don't know how to let her go the way I need to.
Statistically it had to happen. I think that's why I was so guarded with her when she was a child. I was afraid to touch her, lest she think something was wrong. I was afraid to say "I love you" first lest she think I was guilting her into saying it back. Maybe that's why it turned out like this? Maybe I did something wrong when she was just a kid, and she can't forgive me for it?
I know I wasn't there as much I needed to be. I wasn't there for her as much as I wanted to be. I used to feel so guilty for not calling her more, not visiting more. Not sending enough presents. I remember once I brought her 50 presents at Xmas to make up for all the other ones. And she would rip the heads off of the barbies and cut their hair. Except for the red headed ones.
I don't think I can do this.... this hurts too much.
She's SOO angry at me. She says she doesn't care, but if she didn't she wouldn't have taken the time to lash out. To tell me I'm self absorbed. Which I totally am right now. My sister left me again and all I can think about is how much hurts. All I can think about is how abandoned I've ALWAYS felt by my entire family EXCEPT her, and now her too. Did I put too much pressure on her? Did I push her away by wanting her not to reject me so much? What did I do? And what am I supposed to do now?
And I was having SUCH a good day, until that all happened. I'll post pictures when I get them. And in the mean time I'll... well, I'm not really sure what I'll do between now and then.
God I miss her.
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/taracardinal/blog?page=7#ixzz0xkRD30d1
Myspace April 2009. My reminder.
Current mood:
exhausted The clock keeps moving closer and closer to tomorrow, and I'm dreading the inevitable.
I can't stay here forever. I can't even stay here much longer.
Never mind that it's late, and I'm tired, and I'm alone. I don't live here.
And for the first time in a VERY long time, I'm dreading going home.
Because I don't know if he'll be there waiting for me again.
I don't know how he'll react to what I did. Or when. Or if.
And all I can think about is where I've hid the weapons, and which ones I can get to from any part of the house most efficiently.
And if I'll EVER be able to sleep there again.
And how FUCKING stupid I am. That's really what I'm thinking about.
Stupid to think it was ever real. Stupid to think it was for me, that I could have that even for a minute without drastic repercussions. Stupid to fall for pretty words and gentle touch. I know better. I've ALWAYS known better.
And worse than stupid, cruel. Cruel for selfishly exploring what someone else needed. Even though she told me she didn't, I knew better. I did. It's not fair for me to pretend otherwise. Not to me, and not to her. And cruel of me to pretend it wasn't theft. No matter what he told me, or even what She told me. I KNEW better. I knew better about ALL of it. Stupid and selfish. So ridiculously thirsty for a drop of it... I let my stupid-girl weakness be used against me. Again.
And I REALLY thought... I really convinced myself it would be ok this time. That maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. And you know what? There isn't. I was wrong, and stupid and selfish.... all human traits. But, as a great writer once wrote "Having someone to love... having someone love me? It just wasn't in the cards." And there is nothing wrong with it. As long as I get it. And I get it. Really I do. And it's wonderful. I'm glad I have a purpose that doesn't involve running around in a thong and tank top, spreading my legs like some 18 year old sex kitten. I'm glad I have a purpose that doesn't involve a long white dress and a 5 foot cake.
I just hope I can make it to that purpose in one peice. One peace even.
I won't be long where I am. It turns out even if I could stay, I can't. And wouldn't anyway. So I'll be able sleep again soon. And stop jumping at every fucking sound.
I hate being watched.
I can't stay here forever. I can't even stay here much longer.
Never mind that it's late, and I'm tired, and I'm alone. I don't live here.
And for the first time in a VERY long time, I'm dreading going home.
Because I don't know if he'll be there waiting for me again.
I don't know how he'll react to what I did. Or when. Or if.
And all I can think about is where I've hid the weapons, and which ones I can get to from any part of the house most efficiently.
And if I'll EVER be able to sleep there again.
And how FUCKING stupid I am. That's really what I'm thinking about.
Stupid to think it was ever real. Stupid to think it was for me, that I could have that even for a minute without drastic repercussions. Stupid to fall for pretty words and gentle touch. I know better. I've ALWAYS known better.
And worse than stupid, cruel. Cruel for selfishly exploring what someone else needed. Even though she told me she didn't, I knew better. I did. It's not fair for me to pretend otherwise. Not to me, and not to her. And cruel of me to pretend it wasn't theft. No matter what he told me, or even what She told me. I KNEW better. I knew better about ALL of it. Stupid and selfish. So ridiculously thirsty for a drop of it... I let my stupid-girl weakness be used against me. Again.
And I REALLY thought... I really convinced myself it would be ok this time. That maybe there isn't anything wrong with me. And you know what? There isn't. I was wrong, and stupid and selfish.... all human traits. But, as a great writer once wrote "Having someone to love... having someone love me? It just wasn't in the cards." And there is nothing wrong with it. As long as I get it. And I get it. Really I do. And it's wonderful. I'm glad I have a purpose that doesn't involve running around in a thong and tank top, spreading my legs like some 18 year old sex kitten. I'm glad I have a purpose that doesn't involve a long white dress and a 5 foot cake.
I just hope I can make it to that purpose in one peice. One peace even.
I won't be long where I am. It turns out even if I could stay, I can't. And wouldn't anyway. So I'll be able sleep again soon. And stop jumping at every fucking sound.
I hate being watched.
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/taracardinal/blog?page=6#ixzz0xkPx1mqp
If only for a Moment - Myspace repost: Chris and Irv are remembered
Current mood:
depressed I'm not good at this kind of stuff.... and it's been a long time since I've had to be...
But, I just want to take a moment to remember two people, who were both a very important part of my life - for just a moment.
Irv, who passed away last month. He was the DP on my pet project Legend of the Red Reaper.
And Chris, a kick ass stunt guy who came all the way out to Saint Augustine to help us with stunts. He was kind enough to let me kill him on screen. And it was his idea for me to have one fist balled up during my rampage through Nephek.
Right around my birthday, about 2 years ago, Chris was performing at the Pirates dinner show. He got a bunch of us tickets, and we came out to watch. In one of my rare moments, I managed to get completely plastered drunk. It had something to do with my low blood sugar, not eating all day and 2 glasses of wine before food. I was in a great mood. And then something a little odd happened. Chris and I were talking, and he told me about his cancer. He'd been in remission for a year or so, and thought things were going to be fine. But I started to cry. I cried so hard. I haven't cried that hard since Cory's funeral. But there he was, flabbergasted. And didn't stop for the rest of the night.
Amber aka Freya, put me to bed that night. She tucked me in and said something sweet.
And when I woke the next morning, I found I'd cried all the make up off of my face.
I was too embarrassed to face Chris after that. I felt so silly. Getting so upset over what seemed to be nothing to him. In retrospect, it doesn't seem that much like nothing.
I have no point to this. I'm just a little sad. I wish I'd been there more for him.
But, I just want to take a moment to remember two people, who were both a very important part of my life - for just a moment.
Irv, who passed away last month. He was the DP on my pet project Legend of the Red Reaper.
And Chris, a kick ass stunt guy who came all the way out to Saint Augustine to help us with stunts. He was kind enough to let me kill him on screen. And it was his idea for me to have one fist balled up during my rampage through Nephek.
Right around my birthday, about 2 years ago, Chris was performing at the Pirates dinner show. He got a bunch of us tickets, and we came out to watch. In one of my rare moments, I managed to get completely plastered drunk. It had something to do with my low blood sugar, not eating all day and 2 glasses of wine before food. I was in a great mood. And then something a little odd happened. Chris and I were talking, and he told me about his cancer. He'd been in remission for a year or so, and thought things were going to be fine. But I started to cry. I cried so hard. I haven't cried that hard since Cory's funeral. But there he was, flabbergasted. And didn't stop for the rest of the night.
Amber aka Freya, put me to bed that night. She tucked me in and said something sweet.
And when I woke the next morning, I found I'd cried all the make up off of my face.
I was too embarrassed to face Chris after that. I felt so silly. Getting so upset over what seemed to be nothing to him. In retrospect, it doesn't seem that much like nothing.
I have no point to this. I'm just a little sad. I wish I'd been there more for him.
Read more: http://www.myspace.com/taracardinal/blog?page=5#ixzz0xkOUn03m
Red Reaper Blog - Best of Myspace Blogs - Jan 2010
Getting there... little by little. Or not so little by little.
When I told him what I was doing, my ex exclaimed "How the hell can you shoot a film with no script and no budget". Amazing, how you can do exactly that if you know how to do a little producing. As it turns out, I did have one, but it was so good that no one had to read it.
Writing, for me at least, is like getting naked. And not stripper naked, but vulnerable naked. No clothes, no make up, no smoke and mirrors. All the flaws pointed at and exposed. Showing people that writing is like stepping out in front of everyone, flawed and naked. So, while I gave a lot of grief to those who didn't know the script as well as I did, in some ways it made me feel less exposed.
Every day felt like an exercise in not falling flat on my face. Between the producing solo, acting, and stunt work I fully expected to screw something up. But it turns out I wasn't nearly as alone as I felt like I was the first time around. Just when I felt like I was about to fall apart along came someone with exactly what I needed to keep going. Although it was USUALLY Michael, it was also Vickie, Justin, Timothy, Tim, Regina, Ted, Steven, David, Grady, Chris, or even on of our PAs (who, were the most awesome of all possible PAs!). Or one of the make up girls fixing me, or stunt guys telling me I don't suck.
What can I say? SFX worked magic, I was shot up, bloodied up - Tim Hays regrew Tom Nowicki's hair and beard - and that was WITHOUT the wig that was ordered. The sets were beautiful - perfect even. The shots were amazing. It's like Jose took everything in my head, fixed it, and magically put it on the monitor. My first AD was so charming and efficient we ran 7-10 hour days and we got all of our shots. The acting was brilliant. I am happy to say that in that department I was by far the weakest link and relied heavily on the strong support of Christian, Tom, David, Christina, Eliza, Barry, Shayne, and dear sweet Cal (who knew he had that in him????). And as for the stunts, all the stunt guys were great (but I miss you Justice!) and Cal and Grady worked magic. And thank GOD for Patty and Kat, who doubled (and by doubled I mean SAVED) my ass on the days when I could hardly move.
I didn't hear a single complaint in 2 weeks. The PAs were smiling, my production house never said a word about the lack of floor, broken dishwasher, or blow up mattresses that wouldn't hold air.
And as for me... yes I got my ass kicked - and it was worth every bruise, every cut, everything. I actually got whipped in the whipping scene. I am actually tied, chained, and held down during the ... well that scene. I use a real sword in the sword fighting scenes. I really took my skin off for the "cutting" scene. And I went to one of the darkest places I know to pull out a real performance.
Because that's just what it takes to be a producer, actress and stunt girl.
And I can't wait for the next round!
When I told him what I was doing, my ex exclaimed "How the hell can you shoot a film with no script and no budget". Amazing, how you can do exactly that if you know how to do a little producing. As it turns out, I did have one, but it was so good that no one had to read it.
Writing, for me at least, is like getting naked. And not stripper naked, but vulnerable naked. No clothes, no make up, no smoke and mirrors. All the flaws pointed at and exposed. Showing people that writing is like stepping out in front of everyone, flawed and naked. So, while I gave a lot of grief to those who didn't know the script as well as I did, in some ways it made me feel less exposed.
Every day felt like an exercise in not falling flat on my face. Between the producing solo, acting, and stunt work I fully expected to screw something up. But it turns out I wasn't nearly as alone as I felt like I was the first time around. Just when I felt like I was about to fall apart along came someone with exactly what I needed to keep going. Although it was USUALLY Michael, it was also Vickie, Justin, Timothy, Tim, Regina, Ted, Steven, David, Grady, Chris, or even on of our PAs (who, were the most awesome of all possible PAs!). Or one of the make up girls fixing me, or stunt guys telling me I don't suck.
What can I say? SFX worked magic, I was shot up, bloodied up - Tim Hays regrew Tom Nowicki's hair and beard - and that was WITHOUT the wig that was ordered. The sets were beautiful - perfect even. The shots were amazing. It's like Jose took everything in my head, fixed it, and magically put it on the monitor. My first AD was so charming and efficient we ran 7-10 hour days and we got all of our shots. The acting was brilliant. I am happy to say that in that department I was by far the weakest link and relied heavily on the strong support of Christian, Tom, David, Christina, Eliza, Barry, Shayne, and dear sweet Cal (who knew he had that in him????). And as for the stunts, all the stunt guys were great (but I miss you Justice!) and Cal and Grady worked magic. And thank GOD for Patty and Kat, who doubled (and by doubled I mean SAVED) my ass on the days when I could hardly move.
I didn't hear a single complaint in 2 weeks. The PAs were smiling, my production house never said a word about the lack of floor, broken dishwasher, or blow up mattresses that wouldn't hold air.
And as for me... yes I got my ass kicked - and it was worth every bruise, every cut, everything. I actually got whipped in the whipping scene. I am actually tied, chained, and held down during the ... well that scene. I use a real sword in the sword fighting scenes. I really took my skin off for the "cutting" scene. And I went to one of the darkest places I know to pull out a real performance.
Because that's just what it takes to be a producer, actress and stunt girl.
And I can't wait for the next round!
Tara's first blog post here
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