pride and my prejudice ( the battle between)

This is a new and usual place.

Since my blog is still getting mad hits ( didn't know anyone was still on myspace) and no comments (because I always have the last word :), I shall continue - although I've officially moved my blog over to blogspot.

I often wondered, why when we texted back and forth, all of the sudden he would just disappear. I thought for sure it was a lack of interest. Or something. Now I find myself at the other end of the phone... writing.. deleting... finishing a thought and hitting back space. After so long, so many details, so many emotions, so many highs and so many lows - what can I possibly say in a text message that doesn't sound trite? How can I say what I want to say - how can I ask what I wish to ask?

So I don't. I fret and fuss, and squeak... I put the phone down. I ask my cat for advice (although she's usually the one hiding the phone from me).

I suppose deep down, I want it to just all be ok. But it's not. It should be, it could have been, and it used to be. But right now it's not. And I don't know where to start. And I don't think I should start. And I don't know if it will ever be ok.

And thus I'm torn between my pride and my prejudice.

And I don't know what to do.
So for now, toes in the water, head above.
And tonight, I sleep.
Tomorrow I fight.
Saturday I rest.
And Sunday I'll try not to think of him.