> While I wept quite broken hearted,
Gazing through the curtains parted.
> Midnight's moon just barely charted, said that you don't love me anymore.
> While my mind was wheeling crashing,
> all my hopes and dreams went dashing
> Dishes flying all went smashing
> Collided with your bedroom door.
> Mind and hopes and dreams and dishes, lay shattered on the bedroom
floor.
> Nothing less, and nothing more.
>
>
>
> I fell tumbled, weeping, shrieking,
> my whole soul was slipping, seeping.
> Concluding that, while you were sleeping, you don't love me anymore.
> In thus conclusion my entire,
> person felt as though on fire,
> a grave emergency quite dire,
> Unfolded on the bedroom floor.
> Swaying, surveying the mess before me, I concluded, "What a chore!"
> As all lay broken on the floor.
>
>
> Dishes dreams and hope rejected,
> Dishes mind and soul collected
> All neatly discreetly tucked inside the bottom dresser drawer.
> My dry eyes all drained and empty
> moment's respite strength it lent me,
> more the realization bent me,
> that you don't love me anymore.
> Doubled, troubled, insides rotten, I know now what I have
> in store.
> For you don't love me anymore.
>
>
> No longer shattered, bent and broken,
> but the words as yet unspoken,
> Tears as trinkets just a token, of your lack of love for me this morn
> Wiser now, no more deluded.
> Closer still to what's concluded,
> from your love I am excluded,
> No longer shaken to the core.
> Suddenly seized I dropped to my knees, my God I did implore.
> Thus removed myself from the bedroom the floor
>
>
> Lay my sorrow till the morrow
> one more evening shall I borrow
> Ask I of you, do you do, or do not love me anymore?
> Do mine eyes or not deceive me,
> Do you do or not believe me
> Will you now or never leave me?
> Do you do or not adore?
> Tell me truly tell me cruelly but tell me now I do implore
> My heart in these words I outpour
>
> I saw your eyes, I saw your face,
> I saw it all through shadow's lace.
> Slow hours stuck, slower hours struck as three, faded into four
> Your strident stoic silence spoke.
> Sheathed and shrouded in acrid smoke.
> Cold, caustic and carefully cloaked
> You have dark defenses to deplore
> Disperse the curse I am immersed your silence is hard to ignore.
> Taciturn truculence to the core.
>
> Not quite shrieking, not quite weeping
> All of this while you're still sleeping
> Taking promises you're not keeping and filing them under "lore"
> Nothing more than stars to guide me
> Nothing more than scars inside me
> With my bleeding heart to hide me
> I cherish my sacrosanct war.
> Where a million other's have gone ahead a million other's before
> But every bleeding heart is torn
>
> Loveless nights are ever longer
> Lovelorn maidens ever stronger
> Now I know thee cruelly, truly, for thy love I have no more
> Never had I been so clever,
> Ever had I to endeavor
> to walk out that door forever
> A million miles from bed to door
> With every step a minute crept 'til dawn shone behind the darkened
door.
> And what a journey to the door!
>
> Stepping through remnants of dishes
> Passing by the remains of wishes
> Walking past pictures of kisses... a thousand memories to ignore.
> Across the threshold in reverse
> A darkened forest to traverse
> with brambles and bushes interspersed
> A shorter journey to the shore.
> Through the forest to the meadow past the river to the ocean's shore.
> Where solitude and sand line the floor
>
>
> Sitting by the great pacific,
> I was struck by thoughts terrific
> Shifted twisted and uplifted I need not your love anymore.
> With lily's leaves the shore was littered
> In the dawn the ocean glittered.
> Babbling merrily it tittered
> Pure and blue to the ocean floor.
> I have ocean,meadow and river I have sand along the shore.
> What need I of your love anymore?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Would I see forever
if I looked in your eyes
Or a well of pain,
of tears uncried
If I touched your soul
could I leave the past behind?
Can I believe in fate,
or wave it as coincidence?
Is this the mythic love,
or another paradoxical incident?
Can love's summer heat
Drive out winter's cold,
make fire where there was ice
burn in the soul?
Will your sweet promises
fade in the sun's harsh light..
cast aside and forgotten,
lost in the night..
How can you mean, 'I love you' already?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So cold with out you
in the fog of day
the colours have drained
and the earth is gray.
So dark with out you
and then twilight kissed
brought back the memories
and broke the mist
So lonely with out you
and the sky's turned black
again, so much lost
and I can't turn back
But if I could turn back time
and recapture the memories
I'd bring them to life
and create another story..
With you
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Is it dark beneath the ground?
Is it cold beneath the ground?
Does the sun reach that far down,
Do you weep for the child
too numb to cry for help
Can you let your soul run wild
and roam the earth by yourself?
If I asked with sincerity,
and begged with all my heart
would you come back to me..
or let me fall apart?
And if in another life
we met upon the street
would you be offended
if I knelt at your feet?
And asked you to forgive
my one fatal flaw..
unabashed selfishness
and unwillingness to call
For the help I needed desperately
and the love I needed more
for my hidden emotions,
were constantly at war.
It's too late to tell you
all that was in my heart
So I'll try not to cry,
and pretend we're not apart.
So sleep on your favorite cloud
and I'll let the rain wash my tears away
and just wait patiently
for that ever elusive
judgment day
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> I feel your heart beat inside of me
> It feels like pain, it feels like fire
> The screams get deeper as the flames burn higher.
>
> I can taste my blood and salt on your lips
> I can feel my throat and soul in your grip
>
> I've lost my heart and mind in your eyes
> I've lost my strength and pride in your lies
>
> Something in my back or brain just slipped
> Something from my eyes or vein just dripped.
>
> I can still feel you throbbing inside of me
> The blood and the fire, the blood and the fire
> fade black to red, fade away and expire.
My eyes open wide, but you're all I can see.
The blood and the fire, the blood and the fire
Thrashing turning away from your base desire.
The fire is bleeding, the blood is burning
The fire's in my body, the fire's in my head
There's blood in the fire, there's blood in the bed.
>
> The blood and the fire are lost
The blood and the fire are red
The blood and the fire are me
The blood and the fire are dead.
(May we all rest in peace)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In midnight's silence
When the very moon's gone dark
I cling to the memories
but the faith leaves my heart
The memories fade
from sweet to sour
hope to despair
after one more silent hour
The darkness seems eternal
the night grows colder still
the tears turn to ice
but only through strength of will.
After the insecurity of seclusion
I force myself to live
I've no need to shield my love
for I've none left to give
'Twas stolen by the dark night
mascarading as a man
he stole the kiss from my lips,
the touch from my hand
His was compromised virtue
though love were but a conquest
he took the light from my eyes
the heart from my breast.
The heavens give vent
to my unbound pain
I'm helpless to do so
for I am but a slave
Slave to the one
who holds my heart
one who shattered it bleeding,
left it ripped, stripped and torn apart
The bleeding shall never cease
for the knight's a master of manipulation
but as the blood trickles down
my soul aches for restoration.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This feels like a feeling
I've felt before
but I don't know what it is.
I don't know what this feels like
I don't do that anymore
and it's not something I miss
It feels vacant
and maybe a little scared
I'm not quite sure why.
I've always been
emotionally impaired
deep down inside.
I ripped the fingers
off my skin
I'm a little dyslexic, sometimes
It looks like I'm bleeding again
when you don't know the truth
It makes it hard to tell lies.
So don't ask me how I feel.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am the fire beneath your skin
I am the liar that you let in
I am the blasphemy you preach
I am the enemy you beseech.
I'm your closest friend
I'll be here for you to the end
I am the will you couldn't bend
Everything you need is what I am
I am the poison that you breathe
I am the anger that you seethe
I am the extreme to which you go
I am the angst that you can't show
I am you hell your high and hate
I am your fear your fault and fate
I am the conscience you can't escape
the dignity you could not rape.
I am the entropy you can't control
the burning infinite black hole
I am your search your self and soul
I am what makes you whole
I am the God that you disgrace
I am the faith that you misplace
You're but an effigy defaced
I am your last and final saving grace
I am the reaper you betrayed
I am morality decayed
I am the confession that you hide
I'm your envy vanity and pride.
I am the brimstone in which you burn
the golden idol to whom you turn
I am the lust for which you're built
I am your greed, gluttony and guilt
I am God the father and the sun,
the holy trinity all in one
I'm every battle you've never won
I am your sole secret star and sun.
I am the enigma you created
I am the facade you fabricated
the eternity you've contemplated
the fantasy you hallucinated
I am the conquest you could not make
I am the love you could not take
I am the desire you love to hate
I am the innocence you couldn't desecrate.
I am the failure you despise
I am the nerve you can't compromise
I'm the perfection you criticize
I am the throbbing between your thighs
I am the fear behind your eyes
I am all your ruthless lies
I am the tears behind your cries
I am the truth that makes you wise
I am the disease inside your brain
I am the voice driving you insane
I am the adrenaline you can't sustain
I am your persecution past and pain.
I am the light and the on coming train
I hold the bonds you will never strain
I am the purity you can never drain
I am the beauty you will never gain
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How hard it is
to say goodbye
it leaves me empty
deep down inside
Broken promises
unattained perfection
much to selfish
for my own protection
My little Angel
rest in peace
and forget your promise
never to leave
I've said I love you
I've said goodbye
I've drunk to much
to let a tear slip by
Nothing left to live for
life's lost quest
they call this suicidal
wishing for death
So take me now
as you couldn't then
I swear on my soul
never to betray you again.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
J'aime ma chatte
Elle s'appelle Bashena
Elle est une belle petite fille
Elle s'aproche a sa mere
parce que elle est trop cher
Elle s'admire dans le mirrior
et elle chache dans mon amoire
Elle pense elles est une ours
Mais elle ne pense pas
elle est une mousse
Elle est blanche, rouge and marron clair,
mais elle n'est pas violette, bleue, ou vert
Elle donne moi tres raisons
pour returner a ma maison
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll never forget how he
rode in on gleaming metal horseback
robed from foot to crown in brilliant
white armour
Saving me from the man in black.
I'll never forget the intensity
of his blinding green eyes
Wielding nothing but his own strong arms
answered my silent cries.
The morning sun burned
with confidence he stepped
I, the sedated damsel in distress
Watched, as my dough he prepped.
--- My pizza hut boyfriend
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You make no sense
You chide me for being week
slap me, and expect me
to turn the other cheek
You pushed...
I broke
you pushed...
I bent
You pushed...
I gave
You pushed...
I lent
You pushed...
I fell
You pushed...
I stepped back
You pushed...
I stood
You pushed...
I pushed back
Yet still I am week
not worthy of you at all
yet not worthy of freedom
The fate of a child gone wrong?
***********************************************************
the addendum...
Years later I remeniss
What's a touch? What's a kiss?
I did the work you took the credit
But I'm the one who gets to edit
I told you I'd be gone
and I'm never coming back
well here I am again
just alittle off track
I remember every brutal word
every cold stare
I remember everything,
Remember? I was there.
I had so much love for you
with you holier-than-thou air
I had so much love for you,
but I don't expect you care.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can't sleep tonight
It's 4 am
and I'm not quite sure
Where I am
My love
I can't sleep alone
or with someone else
I haven't showered this week
and I'm not quite myself
My love
I haven't slept in days
I don't eat much anymore
I put my purse in the fridge
I left my keys in the door
My love
I don't know where
all these bruises came from
I need another drink
I don't remember how I got home
My love
I stuff my chest in tiny bras
I cut myself all the time
I have too many friends
but I don't know if they're mine
My love
I don't' feel pain anymore
I haven't screamed in years
I can't spell my own name
I don't cry real tears.
My love
I went shopping yesterday
I spent five hundred dollars
on lingerie
I wore it once
and threw it away
My love
the doctor says I'm antisocial
My mother agrees with the claim
The doctor says I'm schizophrenic
Do you think the same?
My love
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a time
when I all had to do was touch
you hand over my heart and
it opened a well of love
There was a time when ever
I felt trapped and confined
I'd look into your eyes
and everything was alright
There was a time
when the Earth went from cold to warm
the sun shined brighter
but only in your arms
But now that well
has a black sign
"Not open for service
better luck next time"
And the room that my emotions inhabit
grows smaller by the day
Don't surround the anger with love
cause what's on the outside is
the first to go anyway.
Only in the cold Canadian tundra
dare it snow in spring
yet I hold my head high
ignore the coldness inside
and sing
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember the waves
that swept the sand
you kissed me softly
and held my hand
Remember songs of love
and endless sleepless nights
learning to love
learning to try
Remember the demons
you stole from my heart
and filled me with love
creating light from dark
Remember the innocent touch
that lit your eyes up
the lonely nights and cold days
but never giving up
Remember I love you
and need you as much
as love demands
but through the miles
I've learned to hold my own
hand...
...remember
our thoughts of eternity
remember these things
and remember me
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
