If only for a Moment - Myspace repost: Chris and Irv are remembered

If only for a moment
Current mood:  depressed

I'm not good at this kind of stuff.... and it's been a long time since I've had to be...

But, I just want to take a moment to remember two people, who were both a very important part of my life - for just a moment.

Irv, who passed away last month. He was the DP on my pet project Legend of the Red Reaper.

And Chris, a kick ass stunt guy who came all the way out to Saint Augustine to help us with stunts. He was kind enough to let me kill him on screen. And it was his idea for me to have one fist balled up during my rampage through Nephek.

Right around my birthday, about 2 years ago, Chris was performing at the Pirates dinner show. He got a bunch of us tickets, and we came out to watch. In one of my rare moments, I managed to get completely plastered drunk. It had something to do with my low blood sugar, not eating all day and 2 glasses of wine before food. I was in a great mood. And then something a little odd happened. Chris and I were talking, and he told me about his cancer. He'd been in remission for a year or so, and thought things were going to be fine. But I started to cry. I cried so hard. I haven't cried that hard since Cory's funeral. But there he was, flabbergasted. And didn't stop for the rest of the night.

Amber aka Freya, put me to bed that night. She tucked me in and said something sweet.

And when I woke the next morning, I found I'd cried all the make up off of my face.

I was too embarrassed to face Chris after that. I felt so silly. Getting so upset over what seemed to be nothing to him. In retrospect, it doesn't seem that much like nothing.

I have no point to this. I'm just a little sad. I wish I'd been there more for him.

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/taracardinal/blog?page=5#ixzz0xkOUn03m

Red Reaper Blog - Best of Myspace Blogs - Jan 2010

Getting there... little by little. Or not so little by little.

When I told him what I was doing, my ex exclaimed "How the hell can you shoot a film with no script and no budget". Amazing, how you can do exactly that if you know how to do a little producing. As it turns out, I did have one, but it was so good that no one had to read it.

Writing, for me at least, is like getting naked. And not stripper naked, but vulnerable naked. No clothes, no make up, no smoke and mirrors. All the flaws pointed at and exposed. Showing people that writing is like stepping out in front of everyone, flawed and naked. So, while I gave a lot of grief to those who didn't know the script as well as I did, in some ways it made me feel less exposed.

Every day felt like an exercise in not falling flat on my face. Between the producing solo, acting, and stunt work I fully expected to screw something up. But it turns out I wasn't nearly as alone as I felt like I was the first time around. Just when I felt like I was about to fall apart along came someone with exactly what I needed to keep going. Although it was USUALLY Michael, it was also Vickie, Justin, Timothy, Tim, Regina, Ted, Steven, David, Grady, Chris, or even on of our PAs (who, were the most awesome of all possible PAs!). Or one of the make up girls fixing me, or stunt guys telling me I don't suck.

What can I say? SFX worked magic, I was shot up, bloodied up - Tim Hays regrew Tom Nowicki's hair and beard - and that was WITHOUT the wig that was ordered. The sets were beautiful - perfect even. The shots were amazing. It's like Jose took everything in my head, fixed it, and magically put it on the monitor. My first AD was so charming and efficient we ran 7-10 hour days and we got all of our shots. The acting was brilliant. I am happy to say that in that department I was by far the weakest link and relied heavily on the strong support of Christian, Tom, David, Christina, Eliza, Barry, Shayne, and dear sweet Cal (who knew he had that in him????). And as for the stunts, all the stunt guys were great (but I miss you Justice!) and Cal and Grady worked magic. And thank GOD for Patty and Kat, who doubled (and by doubled I mean SAVED) my ass on the days when I could hardly move.

I didn't hear a single complaint in 2 weeks. The PAs were smiling, my production house never said a word about the lack of floor, broken dishwasher, or blow up mattresses that wouldn't hold air.

And as for me... yes I got my ass kicked - and it was worth every bruise, every cut, everything. I actually got whipped in the whipping scene. I am actually tied, chained, and held down during the ... well that scene. I use a real sword in the sword fighting scenes. I really took my skin off for the "cutting" scene. And I went to one of the darkest places I know to pull out a real performance.

Because that's just what it takes to be a producer, actress and stunt girl.

And I can't wait for the next round!

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/taracardinal/blog?page=4#ixzz0xkMsGShJ

Tara's first blog post here

Just a little test to see how this thing works, if it works, and if I can stop using myspace for my blogging needs.

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